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Isn’t it the truth – thinking that because you’re not seeing it, you’re not hearing it, you’re not experiencing it NOW that it isn’t there any longer? Life can make you a fool.
I had thought earlier, just how did I become this Zen goddess, this Yoda like creature of calm? It’s been a journey these last several years and mostly, the last two that have yielded this new sense of “calm”.
If you’ve been following my LJ (and God knows, you probably have not) you would know that I’ve struggled the last several years (starting in around 2006) with various health issues. It started with some “female” issues and then I started to develop terrible pain and a feeling of “swelling” in my legs. I became even more fatigued than I had ever been. As time went on, I started to have odd symptoms – my limbs turning colors (red/purple/white), pain in my hands, numbness in my fingers, problems with vision, bleeding into my intestines (defecating pints of blood), thyroid problems, worsening back problems, etc.
Later, I found out that I had a fibroid tumor in my uterus the size of a large grapefruit. But this is all old hat.
After an embolization, surgery and many, many different doctors giving many, many different theories, I went to the Mayo Clinic. They confirmed many things wrong but didn’t do any thing to help. Again, old hat.
I’ve been on pain medication now for at least two years which has helped. I’m still in a lot of pain daily but at least I’m not crawling into work and crying the first 2 hours of every day from the pain in my hands, legs and face. I’m back on seizure meds and now I’m taking an anti-depressant for my chronic pain. I really think it’s my (very cool) neurologists way of saying “I think you need this to help you emotionally”. I’m convinced I’m doing SO MUCH BETTER.
To be fair to myself, yes I am doing much better. It’s been a journey, as I said and it’s been more bearable with pain meds, my seizure meds, a lot of soul and spiritual searching, a lot of coming to terms calmly and of course, a lot of thankfulness. I’ve learned these two years that I’m strong. I’ve learned to cope in healthier ways, not the healthiest because I am kind of an emotional eater. *chuckle* But as I tell my dr, I’m celibate so at least I can have chocolate, right? She doesn’t agree.
( Collapse )Mirrored from "The Misadventures of Kimby".
It’s funny how much sympathy customers have for me today since I sound like I drank a 50 gallon bucket of Jim Beam and smoked about 100 cartons of smokes. People keep calling me “sweetie” and thanking me profusely for doing my job. I wish every day were like this. And, I sound kind of sexy … if you like chicks who sound like 40 year old meth-heads who’ve hit brick walls full force with their vocal cords.
I promised to fill you all in on the “shenanigans” that took place the weekend before last. I’m feeling a little less hot on the subject but I can tell you that 1) I got “tow-up-from-the-floor-up” 2) I (at first) involuntarily made out with “TD” and someone else I hardly know. *blush* This lead to someone in the restroom (because “TD” followed us to the unisex restroom) yelling “some of us would like to use the restroom!”.
After this incident, I ended up arm wrestling with a GORGEOUS guy with tats and then we “sparred” in the parking lot.
Did I mention I was “tow up”? *sigh* I shouldn’t drink in public, it just leads to me wrestling men in public. This of course is usually entertaining to others but still, it’s a little odd after the fact.
After the Friday night of strange events, I did have a nice outing with “TD”. We went to an art fair in Tempe and each bought some beautiful watch peices. We had a very nice lunch and even shared dishes. I think mostly because I ordered a pizza (small one) which “TD” graciously helped me finish (most of). I ate some of his olives. He ordered the Mediterranean plate – apparently we both really like Greek food.
Otherwise, not much else going on. “C” and I went out this past Friday after I spent a week sick but working. We had a few drinks but nothing exciting happened. I’ll expound on any additional thoughts … later.
God, I had some seriously F*CKED UP dreams this weekend. I dreamt about my family, I dreamt of disembodied head-bearing torso’s doing sick things, I dreamt of my old HS and zombies that eat their own flesh. *sigh* Was it the Nyquil? The Depakote? Am I just insane?
*shrug*
Back to work shortly. *jams to Falco “Where Are You Now?”*
- k
Mirrored from "The Misadventures of Kimby".
It’s funny to me that I come down with a respiratory infection RIGHT before I see the doctor to have my thyroid checked. How convenient? I always think that my doctor finds that sort of thing suspect because I know I would.
Well, I’m off to bed after some time of twisting my brains about what type of mythology or back ground I want to give my character. I’ve decided (for the moment) to try to come up with a back story but she’s not entirely human which made me veer more toward a mythological like back ground. I’m torn but there’s too much to think about now. I have to get to bed to be some what functional for my dr appointment. Disappointed I spent my long holiday weekend sick.
Night all!
- k
Mirrored from "The Misadventures of Kimby".